The Sobsons, or How I Lost My Dignity To A Cartoon.
What’s the most potentially embarrassing mundanity in your life, the constant minor threat of your ending up only slightly red-faced in social settings, wishing the ground would open up just a few inches to your right so you can go, “Ooh, look at that unexpected hole! Dear me, that’s much more calamitous than my indiscretion”? Perhaps you have a raucous laugh. Perhaps you have a habit of popping to the shops in your slippers. Perhaps, like me, you cry easily. Really easily. Like, My God, that ad for life insurance is so well put together, Gawd bless all who worked on it, it’s a beautiful thing easily.
I do love a little weepage/seepage from time to time; it’s good for the soul and cleansing for the ducts, although it can also be rather mortifying when others around you don’t share your sentimental leanings. I also love The Simpsons. I absolutely adore The Simpsons. It’s rare that a day goes by without my catching an episode. I love when I can combine my interest in ceremonial weeping and The Simpsons, which is why I’ve put together this list. This, my friends, is my top five touching, beautiful, I’ve-just-melted-a-contact-lense Simpsons moments. There’s no real reason for it, outside of my wanting to combine my love of crying with my love of The Simpsons with my love of scribbling nonsense on culch.ie. Ready? Off we trot, then.
5. Once Upon A Time In Springfield.
Her high-pitched vibrato could have induced diabetes; the saccharine toll on Krusty’s sense of humour was worse again. But the rendition of Moon River by a forlorn Penelope Mountbatten-Hohenzollern-Mulan-Pocahontas (Princess Penelope to her twee little fans) was so sad and stirring that it drove even Tintin and Captain Haddock to tears (not to mention into each other’s arms, where they should have been all along). As new as it is, I’ve seen the episode at least three times, and Moon River never fails to get me blubbing. And that message for the fans, as Penelope and Krusty float, reunited, down the Seine; “Thanks for 20 wonderful years. The best is yet to come”? Who cares that it was originally a pop at Seth MacFarlane! It’s beautiful!
4. Bart Gets An F.
Terrified of being forced into repeating the fourth grade, academically-hopeless Bart gets his focus on and studies like a loon for his last-gasp exam, even missing out on a snow day so he can cram. When Mrs. Krabappel breaks the news that he’s failed his exam, despite his genuine best efforts, the little big man bursts into tears. It’s a huge credit to the writers that they allowed the rebel in short pants to act like the little boy he was; how anyone could call The Simpsons a throwaway family comedy after that is beyond me. It still pricks the corners of my eyes, and Bart Gets An F remains the highest rated Simpsons episode ever.
3. Lisa’s Substitute
With Ms. Hoover out with a shocking case of hypochondria, substitute teacher Mr. Bergstrom enters Lisa’s life. He’s full of knowledge, loves teaching, and has in spades the empathy she feels lacking in so many of the adults in her life. When Ms. Hoover recovers, Lisa is devastated, and manages to catch the departing Mr. Bergstrom at the train station. Trying to console her, he gives her a note and tells her that whenever she feels alone, its contents are all she needs to know. The note reads … well, you can see it above, can’t you? Honest to God, I have to tilt my head right back whenever I watch this episode, because the idea of someone having such utter faith in another’s abilities as Mr. Bergstrom has in Lisa’s has the tears just gushing out of me. It’s like a biblical plague!
2. The Simpsons Movie: Marge leaves Homer.
I have more faith in Homer and Marge than I do in the sun rising in the morning, for the Apocalypse will come sometime, but Homer and Marge are forever. So when Marge finally realises that she can’t change the oaf she married, and that she has to accept that she can no longer put him first, I got some heavy emotional wallop. More so because of Julie Kavner’s magnificent turn as Marge…
“Lately, what’s keeping us together is my ability to overlook everything you do. And I overlook these things because… well, that’s the thing. I just don’t know how to finish that sentence anymore. So I’m leaving with the kids to help Springfield, and we’re never coming back. And to prove to myself that this is the end… I taped this over our wedding video.”
It’s Kavner’s faltering voice that gets me every time. It’s like watching your own mam’s heart breaking. I cannot watch that scene without crying. I am such a sap.
1. And Maggie Makes Three.
Going through the family albums, Bart and Lisa wonder why there are no photos of Maggie, prompting Homer to tell them the story of how Maggie joined the family. Having quit his hated job at the power plant, Homer is horrified to discover that there is another baby on the way, a new mouth that his carefree lifestyle won’t stretch to feed. He begs for his old job back, and is punished for his insubordination by the original demotivational poster, a plaque reading “Don’t Forget: You’re Here Forever” installed by a ghoulishly gleeful Mr. Burns. But despite all of this anger and dread, when Maggie is born, Homer immediately falls in love with her. Lisa and Bart still don’t understand why that means that there are no photos of their little sister, but Homer explains he keeps them where he needs them most. We cut to the plaque on the wall at Homer’s workstation, which Homer has plastered with photos of his little girl, positioning them in such a way that the hateful slogan now reads, “Do It For Her.” And here I must stop, because my keyboard is soaked.
Yes, yes. I know I left out Mother Simpson and Lisa’s First Word. Perhaps many of you lot lost little bits of yourself when you heard Nelson say he cries at the ocean, “because only there do my tears seem small“. It’s understandable that your heart broke along with Ralph Wiggum’s when Lisa tells him she never liked him. Maybe you have a thing for poor, pathetic Kirk Van Houten. I don’t know. Why not leave a comment and put me right?
No, really. I’d love it.
About the Author
Lisa McInerney That cranky young wan from award-winning blog, Arse End Of Ireland, Lisa’s also noted for her dedication to cobbling together unrelated imprecations to make new and bemusing insults, mostly because she’s not eloquent enough to otherwise explain her deep-seated terror of genre fiction and Fianna Fail. In 2006, The Irish Times called her “… the most talented writer at work in Ireland today”, and her mam still can’t understand why this is better than being the new Marian Keyes. Which it totally is. Alright? Website Twitter: @SwearyLady Facebook.com/sweary Last FM: LeislVonTrapp
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Do it for her! ? Perfect number one.
Validation! Thanks, Karl.
Ah wow, this is one of my favourite things I’ve read recently. The Simpsons weepy moments – I never would have imagined. Well done, great post.
“Do it for her” is pretty incredible. But it’s even the little moments, like Homer making the right decision for his family, that can get em going. Or that scene in Eternal Moonshine of a Simpson Mind where Homer has a photo taken everyday for 30 years. It’s sad and hilarious all at once.
Thank you, both Darrens.
I think I’d be immediately suspicious of someone who claimed never to have been moved by The Simpsons. On the other hand, perhaps one should be immediately suspicious of me for being moved by The Simpsons all the time.
I must look up Homer’s photo montage bit again; Darren’s description is spot-on.
Oh God, just reading through that countdown I could feel myself welling up, damn you Sweary! Do It For Her is fantastic. Brilliant post.