So this is popular music in Ireland now, is it?

There are times I just despair about this country and its musical tastes. From an email I’ve just received:

“Hannah Montana is on course to hit the Number One spot here in Ireland tomorrow. This lady had 3 singles from her latest movie adventure in Ireland’s top 50 singles last Friday and has clearly shown she’s unstoppable!

And just in case you’ve been living under a rock, the latest craze to hit the dancefloors is none other than Hannah Montana’s ‘Hoedown Throwdown’. A combination of Line dancing and Hip Hop, this has got everyone in a whirl! (Even Jonathan Ross!!) So get those dancing shoes on and learn this latest craze! “

I thought we had seen the last of all this with ‘classics’ like Rednex’s Cotton Eye Joe, Step’s 5,6,7,8 and the like. Obviously not.

But of course look at the marketing machine, the teen appeal, the incredible lyrics, showing the deepest emotion, the fantastic talent and the need to communicate a deep and heartfelt message to the world…

Boom boom clap
Boom de clap de clap (woah-woah)
That’s right
Boom de clap de clap
Boom boom clap
Boom de clap de clap (woah-woah)

1,2,3,
Everybody come on, off your seats
I’m gonna tell you about a beat
That’s gonna make you move your feet

I’ll give the Bar-be-que show
And tell you how to move
If your five or eighty-two
This is something you can do (woah-woah)

Pop it, lock it
Polka dot it
Countrify then
Hip-hop it
Put your hawk in the sky
Move side to side
Jump to the left
Stick it, glide

Zig-zag cross the floor
Shuffle in diagonal
When the drum hits
Hands on your hips
One footed
180 twist

and then a,
Zig-zag, step n’ slide
Lean it left
clap three times
Shake it out
Head to toe
Throw it all together
That’s how we roll

Do the hoedown (throwdown)
Do the hoedown (throwdown)
Do the hoedown (throwdown)
Throw it all together
That’s how we roll

and so on. Go away with your FLAPES, your And So I Watch You From Afar, your Delerentos and other Irish bands. This is what the people want.

And sure, who are we to complain about it, if that’s what’s passing for pop culchur these days? Here it is: Hannah Montana’s Hoedown Throwdown and how to do it:

(There’s a higher quality version here)

Of course, it could be worse. It could be Et Cetera. I’d be far more ashamed of that altogether.