The Apprentice Week One – What Happened?

It’s no secret, I’ve been looking forward to this year’s Irish Apprentice. I love the build up, the backbiting, the Alpha-male aggression and the subtle nitpicking among the girls. It’s an exciting show to watch and Monday night’s series opener was no different. In fact, it raised the stakes.

We followed the show with a live blog on Culch.ie/apprentice and I was overwhelmed with the amount of people who pitched in with their thoughts on the show. Throughout the show, we had 197 people click through to follow the liveblog and we amassed nearly 1,000 comments. Granted, a lot of them were merely reiterating what a nutcase Samantha, the Tallaght music teacher, truly is. So, before I get knee deep in Apprentice week one details, let me thank everyone for participating and making the show even funnier to watch

[Comment From Rick]
My dad asked me what a Liveblog was. @maxliam said It’s like sitting in a pub, with your back to the tv, while your mate explains whats going on

[Comment From Twistedlilkitty]
So, we post the bitchy comments here then?

Before the show even started, some people were already wondering how soon we were going to find our own figure of ridicule to pick on this year. It didn’t take long for Breffny and Samantha to be singled out as the “Harvard Tool” and the crazed “Duracell Bunny”. The show jumped straight into the action, with little time spend on introductions.

In Bill Cullen’s plastic TV set boardroom the teams were split into 7 boys and 7 girls and were given their first task – all the had to do was sell ice cream on a hot Summer’s day. The boys team would be given Dublin’s Northside, while the girls had the Southside. Then they were sent off to their new home for the next 12 weeks (for some of them, at least).

[Comment From aileen]
“this is an action station”………………….. does he think he’s in star trek

On their first morning, they meet at 6am and are given their briefs. Each team must first choose a team name and team leader. Then they must spend €400 seed money on buying HB icecreams (they can select a maximum of 5 products). The boys team choose the awful Cuchulainn, while the girls chose the equally uninspired Platinum.

Platinum got to business immediately, wasting little time in choosing their team leader, an instantly impressive Ruth O’Dowd, and their 5 products. Cuchulainn on the other hand spent an age playing the alpha-male game, trying to be heard above the noise. Wimpy Craig was selected as team leader (The Hudsucker Proxy comes to mind) and they discussed, argued and analysed the product range for over an hour. Only after they selected their products did they realise they hadn’t selected a single one of the bestsellers. It was already not going well for the boys.

At this early stage, we ran a live poll on the blog asking who we thought would win the task. 82% went for the girls, leaving a mere 18% of our readers rooting for the guys. And is it any wonder with gems like this from Ginger Stephen:

We’ll sell you ice cream and give you suit advice.

In fact, the only disadvantage the girls seemed to have was the singing Duracell Bunny Samantha.

[Comment From AJ]
oh dear god, the boys are doomed if they can’t even choose the ice creams

[Comment From Pat Phelan]
say them boys couldnt sell cones in Dubai

As we enter into the break, we breathed a sigh of relief. The live blog was busy. Of course, we weren’t just discussing the relative merits of each of the contestants:

[Comment From Paddy]
Think I saw Jackie coming out of Coppers last Thursday.

As they finally started selling, the girls team Platinum seemed to lose their way a bit, dividing into two groups……both positioned in the same place at the top of Grafton Street. But in fairness to them, they were selling fast. Cuchulainn however still lacked direction from Craig and were arguing over the price as they arrived on Henry Street and Parnell Street.

While Harvard Boy Breffny and Ginger Stephen looked completely lost and out of place trying to sell their icecreams, Geraldine on the Southside was in her element. Coming from a family of street traders, this was nothing new to her and it showed – she was confident, pleasant and making the sales. Samantha however was just annoying people. She had a loudspeaker and was singing at the passers-by.

[Comment From Darragh]
“Samantha’s just annoying the hell out of everyone” - how many times this series do you think we’ll hear that?

[Comment From aileen]
please stop singing!

[Comment From CliodhnaL]
will someone please take that megaphone off her

[Comment From sneezymonica]
Won’t someone please shoot her?!?!

On the way to the boardroom, we ran another poll on the site. There was now no doubt in our minds that the girl had won this week’s task, but when Bill delivered the final result, we were surprised at how close it was.

Before diving them the final figures, Bill grilled both teams on their performance and how well the team leaders Ruth and Craig did. However, at this point, the liveblog had more pressing matters on its collective mind:

[Comment From aileen]
bill has definately dyed his hair

[Comment From Orlaith]
Does Bill dye his hair?

[Comment From Anthony McG]
Just for Men

[Comment From raptureponies]
@orlaith he must dye it.. it’s just.. ah!

The boys team Cuchulain spent €363.53, sold €721.03 and have a profit of €357.50. While the girls team Platinum spent €385.43, sold €801.20 and have profit of €415.43. So the girls won this week’s task. Thrilled with their success they head off for a celebratory dinner in L’Ecrivain, leaving the boys to feast on the carcass of the weakest link.

Team leader Wimpy Craig called Harvard Boy Breffny and Grumpy Donal back to the boardroom for the final reckoning. Craig looked lost and weak, Breffny just came across as smug and slappable, while Donal went on the defensive and Bill pulled him up for not smiling. Though the liveblog voted to get rid of Breffers, it was Wimpy Craig who was sent home. His parting words:

“For fuck sake!”

Overall, I’m happy with this year’s bunch. There’s a lot of variety, plenty of potential drama and we can already single out the one we want to direct all of our aggressions at. It’s healthy, I swear.

Join us next Monday at 9pm on Culch.ie/apprentice to follow the 13 remaining contestants.