Guest post: I’m a Zelebrity get me out of here (see what i did there?)

Yesterday Spider gave you the run down of what happened the first couple of nights of I’m a Celebrity. Today, we’ve been lucky enough to get Kitty and Tcup from Red Lemonade to give us their thoughts on the good and bad from this year’s show…
- Darren

Hi Culchies!

So we’re both very cited to be reviewing for you guys even if it does involve watching I’m a zelebrity. We sort of took the bull by the horns and have written a review about the first two days just to get the ball rolling. We hope to maybe then do a weekly review of the show if that suits? I’ll write a bit and Kitty will right a wee bit too so here is our first installment.

I’m a Zelebrity get me out of here, according to tcup and kitty

And so it falls on myself and Kitty to review I’m a Zelebrity, no I haven’t misspelled there because when I sat down to watch it I hadn’t a bogs notion of who any of them were, bar George Hamilton (Hollywood legend and tanorexic) Lucy (ex-eastenders actress) and the wan who does all the cleaning KimorAggie. Agus sin é. The rest consist of the usual former Hollyoaks wannabes and ‘models’ etc. Oh and the not so surprise return of yer wan Katie Price a.k.a. Jordan.

Now I have to admit I didn’t quite catch the first episode but I saw clips on the You Tube. Poor Sam Fox had to lob a spider in her mouth not a happy experience I’m sure, however I’m sure she’s had worse in her mouth. She’s looking well though with the lack of make up, so if she ever reads this which I’m sure she will when she gets out I would advise you Sam that you should go with the natural look, you look much younger. I saw some Stuart (Hollyoaks) fella saying that ‘I don’t want to say outright here that I’m good looking but….’ and there he trailed off for us to fill in the blanks. Wonder what he meant? He’ll probably become one of the stars out of it and just come across as a loveable ejit!

At the end of the first episode they showed clips of Katie Price a.k.a. Jordan arriving in Oz surrounded by paps and bodyguards. Her pre ‘going in’ interview claimed that she’s going in for ‘closure’ her fairytale is over and she going in to show people the real Katie Price a.k.a. Jordan but, that she also doesn’t care what the public think of her and the best way to show you don’t care is to go on a reality T.V. show, but of course! Sure that makes perfect sense.

Monday nights show had me screaming at the telly! More because the Apprentice was moved to a later slot! Anyway KimorAggie was chosen last night for the ‘Descent of Dreaded Decent’ or something to that effect. There was two reasons why she completed the task! The stars fell perfectly onto her boobies and as she said herself a lady with smaller boobs would have had the stars fall all over the shop! She’s fair annoying at the mo though with all her ‘luvvies and darlings’, jog on KimorAggie. She’s trying to be the mother of the group with all her fussing but her flirting with George Hamilton is like watching your mam and dad get drunk and dance at a wedding and not with each other. Scarleh for ya!

Jordan arrived into the camp wearing half nothing as Mammy Tcup would say. Having completed a task to get some goodies but then exchanging 7 of the goodies for the entire 11 items they had brought in as their luxury goods, again reiterating the fact that Jordan should be respected as the mathematical genius she is!
I dunno what drugs she was on when she decided to go back into the jungle she’s not exactly flavour of the month and I think a dignified silence would have bettered her career, but I suppose she must know something we don’t? Sure we’re the thick ones, right? I wonder if Peter Andre will return oh no, wait, I think he said no, didn’t he? Saying that it would be a step back for him and also favouring also staying at home to mind their children.

Last nights show ie tuesday saw the shows go to guy ‘Bob’ get a bigger roll, (he had about three sentences to say) Well done bob. George Hamillton is ruled out on medical grounds (his tan will run!) Jordan got four stars and said she’d go without food that night being the mater that she is! And the jungle is becoming knocker valley!

Anyhu what do you think kitty?

Well I spent the opening credits asking “Who’s he?”, “Who are they?”, “Who’s she?” and “Which one is meant to be the Hollywood legend exactly?”. It really is quite an awful show. Ant and Dec (when they’re not annoying cabbies with Brain Training or walking into random people’s houses to play MarioKart) are actually pretty funny and made it somewhat more watchable for me. Although seeing the blonde dancer bird in floods of tears because she’s so tired and didn’t want chocolate was almost the deal breaker. Well, it was something like that anyway. The little Diary Room Hut dealy provides a bit of entertainment in the occupation descriptions they put next to the contestant’s names. “Ex-Eastenders Actor”, “Ex-Hollyoaks Actor”, they may as well say “She had nothing better to do. Now someone for God’s sake employ her.”

Katie Price sashayed into the campsite, smelling rank (after her task of course, I’m sure she’s positively fragrant under normal circumstances) and just about dressed in a Jordan of the Jungle swimming togs type thing, at which point we cut to one of the Scottish interior designers claiming that his first thought was “What a minger”. Pearls of wisdom indeed. Katie was announced as the next Bushtucker trial victim at the end of last night’s thrilling episode, and I’d put money on it that the public is going to pick on her and put her up for every single one.

In conclusion, I have learned the following:

- Kim talks to bitey cockroaches like they’re bold children.

- Jordan doesn’t like water.

- Hollyoaks actors ex or otherwise are obviously hired for their blinding intellect and talent.

- There was someone else in Misteeq apart from Alesha Dixon.

- “Hollywood legend” is a term no longer reserved for the great and good of ye olde Silver Screen, but is now bandied about to describe someone who was in The Godfather Part III and whose recent credits include “Audience” at the Victoria’s Secret 2008 Fashion Show.

How long is this on for again?