A Decade in Switching Off

RTE are renowned for turkeys. Their most famous turkey, Dustin, has a new DVD (just in time for Chrsitmas) chronicling his own twenty years on Irish telly. However, some of the turkeys on Irish television weren’t planned that way. So now I present to you the Ten Worst Irish TV Programs of the 00s. It’s not a Top Ten, more like a Bottom Ten. In chronological order…

The Cassidys (2001)

Before becoming a Perrier-nominated stand-up comedian, Ed Byrne was that goofy looking guy on irish television. He appeared in an episode of Father Ted and presented his own Just For Laughs for Network 2. (Yeah, it was Network 2 or N2 back then.) But his lowest ebb had to be “Ireland’s answer to Friends.” The Cassidys was more like Ireland’s answers to former schoolmates you’ve rejected multiple times on Facebook, yet keep calling over. It was anything but funny.

It’s a Family Affair (2002)

Similarly, Dara O’Briain also used to be a host on RTÉ. He presented kids show Echo Island and was damn good at that. He’s even better at stand-up and hosting panel shows (such as The Panel and Mock the Week.) However, he’s no match for Derek Mooney when it comes to presenting awful gameshows. This was truly the worst. Featuring a 70s B-movie robot and that God-awful theme tune, we thought RTÉ could not get any worse. How wrong we were…

Cabin Fever (2003)

Cashing in on (stealing) Channel 4′s success with Big Brother and the worldwide success of the Survivor series, Ireland set out to make its own. Instead of setting it on a remote island (perhaps a Blasket or two), the idea was to have a group of ordinary people command a boat and see how they get on. It was a good idea in theory, but putting people with no maritime experience in full control of a large vessel was bound to end in tears. Or in their case, a huge crash, and a scuttling off Tory Island. Oh and just as bad as that was the fact that eviction was called “walking the plank”. Oh the cheese.

Celebrity Farm (2003)

An idea so good that the UK’s own HBO, Channel 5 decided to make their own, complete with David Beckham’s other lady (Rebecca Loos) stimulating a pig! Ours combined the Irish love of farming and a loose definition of the word celebrity. Mondo from Fair City went on to win the show, cementing his position as a household name up there with Dickie Rock’s son and that dancing guy from the Guinness ad.

The Trump Card (2007)

Here is a gameshow which made It’s a Family Affair look brilliant. It was an overly complicated program which ran while Winning Streak was on its summer holidays. It made absolutely no-sense and required a rulebook to follow. This did not go down well with the regular Saturday night viewers who had a hard time comprehending anything other than the bidding system in bridge.

The English Class (2007)

The pinnacle of awfulness this decade, The English Class may well be the worst TV show ever: on any channel, in any country, in any decade. Neither funny nor dramatic, it attempted to be a spoof drama the way Ricky Gervais’s The Office was. It probably ruined lead actor William Morgan’s career. I definitely haven’t seen him in anything since. Thank God it only lasted six episodes. Worst TV show ever.

Langerland.TV (2008)

The internet can lead to the start of many great careers. Take the novelist TwentyMajor for example. Without the net, he may never have rose to fame. There are some things that should be left on the internet. Langerland.TV was one of those. It worked alright online in short bursts, but on television it lacked punch, and merely rehashed what had made it succesful online. But unlike Friends and Seinfeld repeats, this just proved itself to be awful second time around.

Makin’ Jake (2008)

PJ Gallagher’s sketch-show creation Jake Stephens worked well on Trigger Happy TV rip-off Naked Camera, but when fleshed out to a full 30 minute show, he was shown to be a simple one-trick-pony. What was worse was the fact that RTÉ sent him over to America and wasted heaps of money doing so. The reason for that? He was now too recognisable over here. They should’ve saved money by sending him to England, or actually, left him and the cameramen at home altogether and save film reel.

The Lucy Kennedy Show (2009)

I was torn between this and the Godawful Living with Lucy, but this edged it, being the worst chat show of the decade. Whereas good chat shows have interesting guests - politicians, celebrities, worldwide names, chart-topping groups, Lucy Kennedy’s foray into interviewing involved such luminaries as Jason Donovan and Gerry Ryan. Wow!

This is Nightlive (2009)

Ireland’s answer to The Colbert Report and Brass Eye was less a shout and more of an unfunny whimper. Trying to be edgy, yet humourous, This is Nightlive was about as funny as a whoopie cushion. John Ryan had failed in many previous endeavours, such as Stars on Sunday and New York Dog, but this was his crowning glory in failure. An absolute travesty of a TV show.