Ad Nauseam The Classics#1: Clarks Magic Steps, Findus Crispy Pancakes and ‘The One with the Scary Sheep Dogs in it’

Greetings dear readers and welcome to another edition of Ad Nauseum. To mix things up I thought I’d begin a series of posts about classic ads from the past. You know the ones which are so good they capture the public imagination and you find yourself reminiscing about them with your friends years later? They may have jingles so damn catchy they worm their way into your head forever more. And they don’t need to be big or clever. Sometimes being big and/or clever is a distinct disadvantage. I mean, who over the age of 25 hasn’t done the Shake ‘n’ Vac dance in their sitting room of a Saturday afternoon at some point? (And on that note, if you didn’t see Darren’s previous post on the woeful Jedward “re-interpretation” of that classic treat your eyeballs and go here).

Anyway, in the first Classics post I’m going to take a personal trip down memory lane and look at some of the ads which have stayed with me from my childhood. Note, if you were born anytime after 1988 you probably won’t recognise any of them. Then again you also won’t remember Stephen Roche winning the Tour de France, so us oldies win.

Clarks Magic Steps

This ad has left an indelible mark on all girls fortunate enough to have seen it back in the day. I’ve spoken about it with my female friends and we all agree it’s probably the most amazing ad ever made, full stop. The genius copywriter distilled every fairytale ever written from The Secret Garden to Hansel & Gretl and packaged it into a 50 second fantasy sequence specifically designed to hit the highly primed subconscious hot spots of 7-10 year old girls everywhere. The wicked witch! The normal girl turned heroic princess! Those white flowers in her hair! The woodland nymphs! And most of all, that giant golden key! And boy did it work; I remember a time when almost every girl in my class had Clarks Magic Steps. Or at least the rip-offs from Tylers.

Findus Crispy Pancakes

This choice comes out of left field and probably won’t be remembered by many others. However as a girl I always wanted a bedroom wallpapered with Findus Crispy Pancake boxes. Back in the ’80s convenience food was still cool; a sign of modernity and progress. It was only in the ’90s society began to realise that food nuclear with E numbers might be bad for you. Accustomed as I was to a daily farm-diet of chops-spuds-and-carrots the idea of Findus Crispy Pancakes seemed incredibly glamourous.

Scary Sheep Dog ad

You’ll have to visualise this ad with me readers, since despite trawling the Internet for hours I can’t find it. It’s a black and white illustrated TV ad and features a farmer letting out his trusty collie for the night. However Shep has a dark side. He hooks up with his mates and things get ugly. Suddenly the dogs aren’t man’s best friend anymore; they’re sheep’s worst enemy. It’s like the gang scene from West Side Story except with dogs, sheep and actual violence. When it’s all over Shep returns home but with blood on his, er, paws. The message was to keep your dog in at night for fear it would join rampaging violent packs terrorising local sheep. As a child this ad terrified me given that I lived on a farm and had a sheep dog whom I was subsequently afraid had a Jekyll-and-Hyde bloodthirsty alter ego and would invariably end up shot by a neighbouring farmer out to protect his flock.

Does anyone else remember the sheep dog ad? I’d love to see it again and find out whether it actually was as scary as I recall. In fact, does anyone remember any of these ads? What are your childhood classics?