“I’m running Sainsbury’s…”

Well, you’re not, obviously.

But the guy who is, is the most unbelievable twat. I’ve never seen someone so up his own arse and yet so matter of fact about it.

He’s spent two full minutes explaining to us what “a helicopter view” is… “It’s as if you were in a helicopter you see, so you’d get an overview. It’s like you’re above everything and can see what is going on…” and so on. For two minutes.

Later he explained to poor innocent trainee guy, that running a business is like driving a bus – and either people would be on the bus – i.e. working with you, or not on the bus… I’m sure you can work it out, but just in case he explained it anyway.

The pitch I think for the show, is that lower level workers get the chance to be managers. This week, it’s some young guy called Joseph, who has been parachuted from a tiny branch of Sainsbury’s (produce section) into the world’s most humongous Sainsbury’s (in Sydenham, apparently).

The Sydenham branch is where we find the unreconstructed twat, who has certainly never seen The Office, but may well be the origins of Ricky’s character from The Office.

“It’s like Manchester United, even though I’m a Liverpool fan,” nervous laugh.

One day into the task, this guy calls together the people that Joseph is working with and encourages them to unload on him… He’s not the world’s greatest people manager… Now our poor Joseph has been dispatched to run a whole store of his own, in Paddington. I’m hoping they have plenty of marmalade. For the bears, like.

Joseph is a toucher by the way. He keeps going to pat people on the arm. Not good.

Sainsbury’s appears to be staffed entirely by twats.

I can’t understand why they would make this show.

The other store manager seems to have just said, “you have to grab the balls by the horn”?

The CEO just turned up. Thank Christ, he does not appear to be a twat. I wonder if he knows how many twats work for him?

Most overused word in this show? Processes

Most overused word in this review? Twats

Make of it what you will.

This is one I would love to see an Irish version of. Imagine – “I’m runnin’ Dunnes – wha are yuz lookin’ at?”

Bless him, at the end, poor Joseph gets sent back to tiny shop and describes himself as a tadpole drowning in the ocean. May not be good at marine biology either.